When I was single and dating, it never occurred to me that my light-hearted flirting was keeping true love at bay.
Wait, what?!? Let’s talk this one out.
Say there’s a guy you like. You’d like to woo him, so you break out your best tactics. You don’t act too interested. You drop hints, maybe ask him out somewhere, then wait for him to make a move. You pretend you don’t care. You keep interactions light and playful.
These moves are actually self-protection tactics designed to guard your heart – thus, keeping everyone (including true love), at bay.
I know because I used to use them. All. The. Time.
Why light and flirty is a problem
When you guard your heart by not making your intentions for something serious clear and known, one of two things happens:
- You repel the ones who want a serious relationship, because they think you want something superficial
- You attract the ones who want something superficial, because that’s what you’re putting out
To attract a man who wants a serious relationship with all of you, you must present with all of you. This includes being clear about what you want: a serious relationship.
Yes, this will scare some men away. We want to scare these men away. These are the men who aren’t ready for a serious relationship. K byeeee!
Why being straightforward is the solution
Today’s dating world is confusing enough, especially for poor, simple-minded men. Help them (and yourself) out by not further confusing things by behaving inconsistently with what you actually want.
Be open and straightforward about what you want. This is going to do a few wonderful things for you.
1. It saves you time and energy
I can’t tell you how much time and energy I’ve spent wondering what my love interest was thinking, and what my next move should be.
The truth is, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what he’s thinking. You can’t make a wrong move.
When you show up with potential partners grounded in who you are and what you want, it becomes immediately clear to both of you what to do. You either both want to move on with the relationship, or you don’t. If he’s not interested, move on.
2. It ensures you’re both wanting the same thing
When you clearly communicate what you want, there’s no confusion. He either reciprocates, or he doesn’t.
Let me make this so easy for you. If it’s anything less than a “hell yes” it’s a no. Your one and only is always a “hell yes” about you.
3. It frees you to be yourself in this world
There’s nothing that will drain you of energy faster than trying to be something you’re not. That shit is EXHAUSTING.
When you show up open and clear about who you are and what you want, you free yourself to be yourself in this world.
There’s no upside to pretending to be someone you’re not.
Leave light and flirty to yesterday
Light and flirty was fun when you were 20 and had zero interest in settling down. Things are different now. You’re ready. You’re ready to find the one.
I’d love to help in that journey. Get on my calendar to learn more about how we can work together.