There’s not a whole lot more exciting than those early days of a relationship filled with raw, unadulterated infatuation. If I’m being honest with myself, I’m pretty sure I was addicted to it for a few of my dating years.
With the new attraction, often comes an insatiable desire to be as close as possible to your partner — naturally, to have sex.
But as we all know, sex can complicate things. So, when is too soon to have sex?
It’s 100% Up to You
You’re going to both love and hate my answer – the right time to have sex is totally and completely up to you.
There is no such thing as “too soon” to have sex. Too soon is a judgement created by the human brain – it doesn’t exist as an absolute in the world. You decide when the right time to have sex is. Every time.
That said, I know when you’re in the heat of a new relationship, your judgement can get clouded, and your decision-making a little questionable. Let me help you decide whether it’s too soon to have sex.
Decide Ahead of Time
There are two main parts of your brain – the ancient, primal brain, and the newer, human brain.
The primal brain is all about the survival of your genes. It wants you to have sex. It’s going to produce a lot of pleasure to encourage you to have sex.
The human brain, or prefrontal cortex, is where you make conscious decisions about your life. This is where you decide what’s right for you.
Here’s the tricky part – in the moment, the primitive brain will win out every time. It’s very convincing, and the pleasure feels very good. The human brain and its true desires are a feeble match to the pleasure-producing primitive brain.
This is why, before every single date, sit down with yourself and decide whether sex is on the table with this person. Then have your back – to say no in the moment, or to not beat yourself up afterwards if you change your mind in the moment and say yes.
If you’ve made the decision ahead of time that you don’t want to have sex with this person, it’s too soon to have sex.
Consider How It Will Change the Relationship
Your relationship with this potential partner is simply your thoughts about them.
How will your thoughts about this person, and your thoughts about yourself with this person, change after having sex with them?
The answer to this question will give you insight into how you will feel about it afterwards. Are you willing to feel these feelings?
If you’re not willing to feel the feelings that you know will come afterwards, it’s too soon to have sex.
Complete the Sex Decision Checklist
Let me break it down for you. If you answer “no” to any of these questions, it’s too soon to have sex.
Complete this checklist at least 24 hours before seeing this person.
- Do you want to have sex with this person?
- Why?
- Do you love your answer?
- What will you think about yourself afterwards?
- What will you think about them afterwards?
- Are you willing to feel the emotions that these thoughts create?
These questions will help guide you to your own answer, but in the end, it’s always your decision.
As your coach, I will help you sort through challenging situations like this and everything else that comes up on your path to your life partner. If you’re curious about what it would be like to work with me, schedule a free consultation.
It’s time to show up in your love life as the badass you are everywhere else.