The beginning of a relationship can be feelings overload.
There’s the initial high of being with someone who might make all your dreams come true. Right after that, come all your fears and doubts – maybe I’ll get my heart broken; I don’t know if I can trust him; what if I mess it up. Then on top of these, lather on the infatuation that comes with new love.
Finally, somewhere underneath all these intense emotions, is the one we’re all searching for – love. Infatuation feels amazing, but you want your life partnership to be built on love.
Here’s how to tell whether what you’re feeling is infatuation or love.
1. Infatuation is driven by pleasure – love is driven by unconditional love
Infatuation happens in the brain. Love happens in the heart.
When you think about someone and that triggers a pleasure response in the brain (through a release of dopamine), you are experiencing infatuation. Infatuation is a primal instinct driven by pleasure. There’s nothing wrong with it – in fact, it’s one of my favorite emotions. It’s just not love.
Love on the other hand, sits squarely in the heart. It starts in the heart and emanates out towards someone. Love is calm and steady. It’s a subtle emotion that requires a quiet mind to feel. To access love, drop your attention from your head to your heart.
To tell whether it’s infatuation or love, as yourself, “Does this feeling feel more like pleasure or unconditional love?”
2. Infatuation is based in what they can do for you – love is based in who they are
Infatuation is pleasure derived from your idea of someone, and how they satisfy what you want. It’s not them specifically you’re interested in, it’s the idea of them and how that idea fits into the larger idea of what you want for yourself.
Love, on the other hand, is derived from your recognition of yourself in another as an infinitely lovable human being. When you love someone, you see them as who they really are – whole and complete, just as they are. Love needs nothing of them.
To tell whether it’s infatuation or love, picture yourself on a deserted island with this person. You’ve been stripped of all your labels and titles and fancy clothes and haircuts, and no one in the world exists but the two of you. What changed for you? Are you still just as into this person?
Infatuation is conditional, meaning it changes with time and circumstances. Love is unconditional, meaning it lasts regardless of how much time passes or what changes in the world around you.
3. Infatuation is fleeting – love is enduring
If you’re still stumped, the failsafe method for determining whether it’s infatuation or love is to give it time.
Infatuation has an expiration date. Eventually, you will get bored with this person, the infatuation will fade, and you will move on.
Love on the other hand, has no expiration date. It’s steady and consistent. If, after 6 months, you still adore this person from the inside out, it’s probably love.
New relationships are so exciting – the raw passion and enduring love that come with them are unparalleled anywhere else in your life. But they can be difficult to sort through. That’s where I come in. I can help you navigate the complex emotions of new relationships, have fun in the process, and find true love.
Schedule a free consultation and I’ll share how.