From a young age, we’re trained away from our own inner wisdom. The people around us want us to be successful within the structures of our society, and they teach us how to do that. They teach us how to behave, what to wear, and what to say to fit in and please others. They have the very best intentions.
But what these people don’t realize, is that when they teach us to look to others to know what to think, do, and say, they strip us of our power. As long as you believe that the answers are somewhere “out there,” you will be dependent on “out there” for the answers.
I want you to stop believing this lie you’ve bought into – it’s not helping you. The answers are not anywhere outside of you. To hear the answers you’re desperately searching for, you first have to turn within. Here’s how this might show up in your search for a life partner.
Looking to The Man for Answers (instead of you)
I used to be 100% guilty of this.
I was especially guilty of it when I was the one getting broken up with. The relationship before my husband was like that. We were serious; we’d talked about marriage, had met the parents, and at a year in it all seemed to be going so well. That is, until he broke up with me.
I was devastated. I remember wracking my brain for all the things I could’ve done differently to make it turn out a different way. I wanted to know why – why did he break up with me? What did I do, what did he not like, what could I change and fix?
What I ended up realizing is that, even if he’d agreed to the conversation and let me ask all my questions, he would not have been able to answer them. He didn’t know why. He didn’t have the self-awareness or ability to articulate the answers. And even if he did, they’d be filtered through his own biases and not necessarily reflect the truth.
I realized that only I could find the answers for myself. I listened. I reflected. I was willing to look at the less-visited parts of my mind to understand why. In looking within, I uncovered blocks within myself that were keeping me from fully showing up in my life.
The man does not have the answers – you do.
Looking to Other Women for Answers (instead of you)
There’s always that woman who has what you want. Maybe there’s someone you know who always seems to get the great guy. It’s normal to think, if I look and act like her, maybe I’ll get what she has. You observe her. You try and emulate her in looks and behavior.
I want to caution you with this. Other people are wonderful examples of what’s possible. Use them only to expand your mind to new possibilities. Do not use them as a metric to compare yourself against and a reason to feel inadequate. Use these women as an example of an answer, not the answer.
Other women don’t have your answers – you do.
Looking to the Experts for Answers (instead of you)
As a love and dating coach, I give you answers that help you solve your problems. Because of that, you may find this advice ironic.
What I want you to think about is why you seek expert advice. Are you coming from fear and desperation, or love and curiosity? Fear and desperation are going to close you off to the answers you’re looking for, whereas love and curiosity are going to open you up to them.
As an expert, I can help you get to the answers faster, but it’s important that you know that it’s your answers that I’m helping you access.
Even the experts don’t have the answers – only you can hear the answers that are right for you.
Look to Yourself for the Answers
You were born knowing. You’ve been trained away from it, but your inner wisdom is still a part of you. Learn to access it.
Try it now. Ask a question, then get quiet. Close your eyes and get still. Listen. Let the answer come to you. It may come an hour later when you’re making dinner; or in a podcast; or in a dream. Be open and listen.
Let me help you tune to your own inner wisdom. Let me help you find peace in your life where you are. Let me help you access the answers that will lead you to your life partner. Schedule a free consultation and I’ll share how.