It’s important to know what you want in a life partner. This does a few helpful things for you – first, it focuses your search so you know what you’re looking for. Second, it removes the drama around whether a date is a yes or a no. He’s either what you want, or he’s not.
Where I see women getting stuck with this, is when they don’t want to be too restrictive with what they want because they’re afraid they might accidentally exclude “the one”.
Let’s break down the difference between helpful and unhelpful lists.
Helpful lists represent what you truly want
What you truly want comes from the heart.
These desires often reflect your values – like trust, family, or education. They also reflect what’s important to you – like good conversation and great sex.
You know what you truly want because you’ve lived long enough to figure it out. Through the relationships of your life, you’ve figured out what you want and what you don’t want. You’ve looked within yourself to determine what your values are and what’s important to you.
What you truly want always comes from love.
Unhelpful lists represent what you think you should want
You know you’re making an unhelpful list when you’re looking outside of you to figure out what you want. This comes in the form of advice from other people.
Only you know what you truly want.
Society loves to suggest what you “should” want – you should want a tall, attractive man, at least 6 feet tall. He should have a good job. He should make more money than you. And maybe you do want these things – just make sure the desire is coming from you, and not what someone else wants for you.
The only way you could exclude “the one” is by making a list that doesn’t represent what you truly want.
By definition, your true love represents everything that you truly want
When I reconnected with my husband, I realized that he was everything that I wanted plus things I wasn’t even aware that I wanted.
When you desire from that deep place in your heart and believe that you can have it in your life, you call it to you. All of it. Without exception.
This is why I like to offer a final caveat for your list: “I am open to everything I truly want and more.”
Your desires are always evolving. It’s important to become aware of them, but to remain open to the desires that you may not yet be aware of – but are calling to yourself nonetheless.
You cannot be too restrictive when it comes to your true desires. You cannot exclude the one when your list represents what you truly want. In fact, by definition, a perfectly crafted list excludes everyone but the one.
As part of my 1-1 coaching program, I help you craft a helpful list and get crystal clear on what you want in a life partner. Schedule a free consultation today to learn more.