Far too many times, I watch women enter relationships open-hearted and hopeful, only to leave broken-hearted and jaded when it ends. They label the relationship a failure and burn precious energy lamenting, resenting, and second-guessing.
This drama isn’t serving you.
It’s keeping you stuck, destined to either repeat old patterns, or refuse to repeat them by not letting anyone new in. Neither of which gets you any closer to finding your life partner.
I’m going to let you in on a dating secret.
Each relationship carries within it the lessons you need to learn to move forward in your journey to your life partner. If you’re paying attention and open to their wisdom, your relationships will teach you everything you need to find the partner you desire.
Let me show you how I was able to transform the most painful relationships of my life into the most powerful lessons of my life – lessons I needed to learn to be ready for my husband, Drew.
Lesson #1: Surviving Heartbreak
My first lesson came with my first heartbreak. I was 23, and bright and full of life. I had just graduated college and set out on my own to conquer the world, starting with a new town 1500 miles from home. I was infallible and unstoppable.
I quickly and easily fell for the most charismatic guy at the bar. I poured everything I had into him, knowing full well that I wasn’t ready for my forever man. I didn’t care. I loved him and I loved being with him. He met my best friends and my sister. It felt like we’d known each other forever.
Then I left for a 12-week training program out of the state. Despite the plans we’d made for me to stay with him while I moved into my new place, when I got back, he told me he couldn’t be with me anymore. He was older and ready for something long-term, and he just didn’t see that with me.
I was devastated. I remember sitting in my new empty apartment, sobbing on the floor.
The lesson evolved with time, but it was clear and true: I can survive heartbreak. I can have everything one minute, and nothing the next, and I can still get back up and carry on.
From this relationship, I learned that loving with my whole heart is always worth the heartbreak.
Lesson #2: It’s Me, Not You
My next major lesson came from the last serious relationship I had before Drew.
Being in the military, I moved every couple years, and I’d become a bit of a serial long-distance dater. This relationship was the second of 3 back-to-back long-distance relationships of well over 1,000 miles (my husband being the 3rd).
By this point, I was 27 and much more ready to consider forever. We were serious from the very beginning. Both we, our friends, and our families could (and wanted) to see us together.
It was going great; until it wasn’t. At a year in, he told me he didn’t want to do it anymore. He wanted to be single for longer, and wasn’t ready to settle down yet.
Another round of heart-wrenching sobbing on the floor.
But this time, I was onto myself. With a few more relationships now to reflect on, I noticed a pattern in how men would come, love me with all their hearts, promise forever, then leave suddenly and without warning. Could it be… me?
This time, the lesson was immediate: I am in control. I could trace my ex’s reactions back to thoughts in my own head – thoughts like, “I want to love with my whole heart,” “I want forever,” “Wait you’re getting too close, I’m not ready to settle down,” “I don’t know if I want to get married.”
From this relationship, I learned that how I choose to think about my relationship determines what I get out of it.
Lesson #3: Playing Games
The next relationship was fleeting, but intense. It started as quickly as it ended, but the lesson was enduring.
This man was sweet and caring and wonderful; he was genuine and kind. I was 28, and at the peak of my dating prowess. I had mastered the art of dating. I could get any guy anytime; I knew what to say, when to say it, and how to say it, to manipulate men into what I wanted.
I used these tactics on this sweet man. It worked, for a second. Then he retreated.
It took me a while to learn this lesson: He’s a real person, too. To get a real man, I have to be my real self. I’d been building a shield of dating tactics around myself to keep me safe; but it was keeping everything out.
From this relationship, I learned that men aren’t play things; they’re real people with hearts that love deeply and can be broken just like mine.
Love.
In all my travels through love, the most profound lesson I learned is that it’s always worth it to love. There is no such thing as a failed relationship. Only a series of shared experiences with beautiful souls who are helping you along your way.
Let me help you in your journey to true love. I’ve been in the trenches with you; I know what it’s like. I’ve cried the tears, I’ve learned the lessons, and I found my forever love.
Let me share what I know and help you find that forever relationship of your own. Schedule a free consultation and let’s talk.