What Are You Making It Mean?

I make life mean so many things that are complete nonsense. In last week’s article, I highlighted a lot of the ridiculous things I’ve been telling myself; limiting beliefs that are doing me absolutely no good. But we’re storytellers. We love to tell stories. We love to make the circumstances of our lives mean something. We are people of purpose. And that’s great!

But what I’ve learned from Bashar and other teachers is that life itself is meaningless. Life itself doesn’t come with any inherent meaning baked into it. Life just is. It’s we who assign it meaning. That’s really powerful. Let’s take it a little deeper…

The brain perceives based on information it gets from the senses. That’s how we interpret shapes and sounds around us. Our brains take in data and make sense of it – it’s how you know a tree is a tree, not just a green blob. 

Then something else happens. Something else happens so quickly we often miss it. The brain sifts through its belief systems and assigns meaning to what it has perceived – it has a separate thought about what it’s perceiving. The tree suddenly becomes a quiet picnic spot, fond memories of your kids playing, or a hazard for your roof. You did that. You made it mean something. But it was still the same tree.

There’s a fine subtlety here that I don’t want us to miss. There’s a space; an infinitesimal moment between sense perception and meaning assignment. It’s in this space that we have an opportunity to make a conscious choice. To interrupt the automatic loop. To decide what we want to make the circumstances of our lives mean – to have a conscious thought. 

That’s if, of course, we’re aware that it’s even happening. It can happen so fast that sometimes we don’t realize we have a choice in the matter; but we always do.

What we make life mean is important to understand because it can either be incredibly empowering or incredibly limiting.

What are you making the circumstances of your life mean?

Is it empowering?

What hidden limitations are you imposing on yourself?

I shared last week that I’ve discovered google analytics. If you’re new to blogging, don’t do it. It will suck you in. Nevertheless, the engineer in me could not resist an opportunity to interpret data. And now I’m hooked. The only problem… it has highlighted the fact that my only readers, aside from maybe a visitor or two, are my family (hi family! Thanks for reading my blog, I love you!!).

What did I make that mean? At first I was devastated. But the devastation didn’t come from the lack of readership itself – that in and of itself is a neutral circumstance. The devastation came from what I made it mean. I made it mean that my blog isn’t worth reading and that I might as well quit. 

But does it really mean that, or did I just make that up? I totally made it up. Lack of readership could mean a hundred different things – maybe it just takes time to reach my audience. Maybe my blog is awesome, I just haven’t connected with my readers yet. Or maybe it doesn’t matter at all. My whole point in starting this blog was to freely share what I have with the world – I’m doing that. I have everything I hoped for when I started it right now. 

The only thing this thought – my blog isn’t worth reading I might as well quit – does for me is make me feel terrible and hold me back. It’s limiting.

Once I realized what I was making my lack of readership mean, and saw how it wasn’t serving me at all, I was able to make a conscious choice. I assigned it new meaning! I have now decided that my lack of readership means absolutely nothing. It’s just a data point. 

It’s All About Your Setpoint

Let’s talk about those automatic interpretations that go down in the brain – the ones we might think we don’t have any control over. Those are the result of your belief systems and how your brain is programmed. It’s the platform from which you see the world – your point of view, or “setpoint”. It’s from this place that you analyze and interpret the world around you; most of it unconsciously.

The Happiness Formula

Before jumping into happiness, why are we talking about it? Remember how each thought comes with a feeling? Think about it… every choice we make is because we want to feel a certain way. Feeling is the experience of life that we’re after. 

It’s not about the money; it’s about the feeling we’ll get from having or spending the money. It’s not about the job or the house or the car; it’s about the feeling we’ll get from having the job or the house or the car. Everything we do serves that purpose. To feel a certain way. Test it out. Take a few examples from your life – things you want. Then ask yourself why. Ask it enough times and you’ll uncover the feeling you’re after.

Everything you do is because you believe you will feel better in the having of it.

Bashar

Most people just want happiness. 

According to positive psychology researchers Dr. Martin Seligman and Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, 50% of our happiness comes from the setpoint of the brain; basically our attitude. Think of the happiest person you know. They probably have a pretty great attitude.

What’s your brain’s setpoint? Do you tend to see the world as a problem or an opportunity? 

Scientists go on to suggest that in early life, our setpoint is completely determined by our upbringing and the setpoint of the people around us – our parents, caretakers, siblings, friends, etc. Which makes a whole lot of sense. My happiness article has a lot to do with my upbringing. 

That seems a little unfair. 

If you’ve read any of my other stuff, you’ve probably caught on that I’m all about taking on every aspect of my life. I own it all. We’re not about to let our upbringing dictate our happiness.

There’s good news – we can change our setpoint!

With awareness, we can change the setpoint of the brain. We can make conscious choices to reframe how we see the world and what we make the circumstances of life mean. So we can have a more enjoyable experience and get what we want!

How to Change Your Setpoint

With voluntary choices! These make up another 40% of the happiness formula.

Deepak Chopra suggests that the way to change your setpoint is to get in touch with your deeper self. Who is she? What does she want? Once you get to know her (or him! We love our guys too), you can make conscious choices that align with what you truly want.

This might sound scary, and I 100% get that. I’ve been there. I remember the first time I got quiet with myself. I avoided it for a long time because I was terrified of what I’d find. I was actually terrified that I wouldn’t like myself – that I’d get to know my thoughts and feelings and hate me for them (again, a story! Something I made up and assigned meaning to). The truth of it is, it’s just thoughts and feelings in there. That’s it. 

We have lots of thoughts and they come with lots of uncomfortable feelings; sometimes avoiding them seems like the more comfortable solution. But that only offers temporary relief. We’re after the real thing here. The real you. The you behind the thoughts and feelings.

Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.

Eckhart Tolle

Get to know you. I’ll share two of my daily practices that have helped with all of this. They serve two purposes, to keep me (1) in touch with me, and (2) making conscious choices. 

1. Meditation

Meditation is awesome because it reduces the amount of sensory input into the brain, which creates an environment for our thoughts to quiet.

It’s in this quiet that we start to feel our true nature. Eckhart calls this our inner aliveness. You’ll start to feel that thing that animates your body and brings you to life. 

And oh by the way, there are hundreds of other benefits to meditation that have been supported by studies. But that’s for another post…

I meditate for at least 10 minutes every morning and am working on developing an evening practice.

2. Reprogramming

After my morning meditation (sometimes before), I do a thought download. I pick a topic based on something I’m working on; whether that be this blog or a personal issue in my life. I take 5 minutes to write down all the thoughts I have about it.

This is the awareness exercise of bringing your hidden thoughts into your conscious mind – where we actually have power over them. 

I pick a thought and see what it’s doing for me. Use questions to uncover the hidden meaning.

What am I making this mean? Why? What feeling accompanies this thought? What feeling am I after? Is this thought serving me? What if it wasn’t true? Can I find an example? What if I choose to believe something different? What would that look and feel like?

Does this thought empower me or limit me?

Then I make conscious choices.

It’s All About Awareness

Awareness is the game changer. Once you uncover the hidden meaning behind your thoughts, they hold no more power over you. With a single choice, you can let them go.

Assign meaning that empowers you. 

Assign meaning that aligns with your desires. 

It’s always up to you. You’ve got this!