As an overthinker, you overthink. Everything. Including whether you want to keep or ditch the guy you just met.
You’re great at arguing both sides of the story. You tell yourself you really liked him and had a great time. He checked so many boxes. Then your mind drifts to those few things you didn’t like. The way he answered that question was slightly condescending. On the other hand, he seemed genuinely interested in your career.
Before you know it, you’re going round and round in your head, spinning on whether to keep this guy or ditch him, all the while getting nowhere useful.
Let’s make the swirl stop. It’s possible to easily and clearly decide whether to keep or ditch the guy you just met. Let’s talk about how.
#1. Focus on the facts
First, get your data from what’s in front of you, not what’s in your head. It’s messy up there.
There’s what’s real, and there’s what you imagine to be real. The difference is that the former (what’s real) is based on your senses. The latter (what you imagine) is based on your thoughts.
Take the condescending response, for example. The facts are what you perceived through your senses, in this case sound. He said words with a certain intonation. What you imagine to be real is that those words were condescending. You then make this mean that he’s bought into the patriarch and you’ll be stuck with a chauvinist for the rest of your life.
Step 1 is to focus on the facts because, as an overthinker, your mind loves to wander off with lots of storylines. By sticking to the facts, you fill your mind with the information that’s useful in making a decision. Unless you have cold hard facts to back it up, give this guy a chance before making him out to be a chauvinist.
#2. Know what’s important to you in a life partnership
This example highlights why it’s important to know what you want in a life partnership. As part of my program, we figure out exactly what you want in a life partnership and identify your dealbreakers. This is important because once you know what you want in a life partnership, you know it when you see it – and when you don’t see it.
It’s important to you that your life partner sees you as an equal partner. He values your thoughts and opinions. He consults with you before making big decisions because your opinion matters to him. He respects you.
Knowing how you want to be treated in a life partnership makes it an easy “no” when the guy in front of you treats you otherwise.
#3. Say goodbye at the first dealbreaker
Once you know what you want in a life partnership, say goodbye at the first dealbreaker. There’s no convincing yourself that you can live with the dealbreakers. That’s called settling. Been there, done that, not here to do it again.
You get everything you want in a relationship, plus all the things you didn’t even know you wanted. Let me say that again. You get everything you want in a relationship, plus all the things you didn’t even know you wanted.
If the guy in front of you doesn’t have ONE thing that you have decided is important to you in a life partnership, it’s goodbye. Every time. We’re not in the business of changing people. We’re in the business of walking away from what we don’t want.
If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no
An easy way to get quick clarity is to ask yourself if it’s a hell yes. If it’s not, it’s a hell no. It can be easy to get in the settling and scarcity mindset around dating.
But here’s the thing – your guy is head over heels in love with you. He’s been waiting for you his entire life. He can’t believe he found you. You are the easiest “yes” he’s ever made in his life. He’s the easiest “yes” you’ve ever made in your life.
If it’s not, perfect. We now know he’s not the one. Your guy is out there. If the man in front of you isn’t him, that’s great to know.
It’s so easy to overthink dating. That’s why I created a dating process that keeps you from overthinking it. I coach you through the entire process. I offer that unbiased, loving perspective so you can save time and easily decide whether to keep him or ditch him.
Want to learn more? Schedule a free consultation and I’ll share more. You’ll be blown away by how much clarity you can get in just a 30-minute chat.