Yes, I’m Scared, and That’s Okay

I have to admit, hitting the Publish button on my first post last week was both exhilarating and terrifying. I felt a rush of freedom immediately followed by an intense fear. I’m finally setting myself free; but I’m now exposed. Offering myself as I am. There’s no more act to hide behind, no more silent charade.  

It was after only a few minutes of attempting to outline this second post that I realized I had already drifted off into the land of the “shoulds” (my mind likes to take us there). Relevant, but insignificant questions were already starting to drown out my inner voice.

How long should this post be?  How much research should I do? What should I talk about? I’d like to talk about this, but does anyone want to read about that? How are other people doing it?

Mind chatter. Exhausting. It didn’t take me long to realize that the reason these questions didn’t feel so good was because they were grounded in fear. 

Fear. That guy.

Be All of You

Before we dive into fear, I want to share a little bit about why I’m here sharing my thoughts with you. Why now? 

I was what I call a closet believer.

On the outside, I was a technically sound, earth-grounded engineer leading teams of mostly men twice my age in solving the day’s problems. On the inside, I was captivated by the then-budding new age thought, now more likened to the rapidly expanding mindfulness movement. Much of which scientists are only beginning to study.

For years, I couldn’t see how those two lives could ever co-exist. So I carried on, silent but to my closest circles. 

As I continued to work on myself, I experienced various shifts or transformations. Two distinct moments come to mind. The first came out of a good deal of suffering, the second a few years later from a deep moment of clarity. They each launched me on a path of no return. The closer I came to knowing myself, the more glaring the gap between my inner and outer self.

So here we are.

I’ve reached a point where I can’t take the silence anymore.

Somewhere along the way, the self-oriented consumer mindset just stopped doing it for me. Don’t get me wrong, most of us go through that phase. It serves a purpose, helps us sort ourselves out. But that voice. That persistent voice inside my head just got too loud. The more I felt, the more I knew I had to do something.

I started asking myself the hard questions. Who are you? Who do you want to be? What do you want for your life? Is this it? What do you want to contribute to this world? Are your actions aligned with that?

The answers weren’t all easy to hear. With a little self-love, compassion, and non-judgement, I came to the conclusion that I want to be all of me. Not just the version I’ve been telling myself I “should,” or worse, “have to” be. Yes, I have had success in my career. I’ve contributed to some important things that benefit a lot of people. But it was only part of me. And you deserve it all.

So what does that mean?

In the spirit of transparency, I’m still working out the details. But what I do know is that I’m doing it and this blog is a great place to start. As the girl in school who planned her entire study schedule based around what would guarantee an “A,” that’s pretty scary. But that’s okay.

Vulnerability is Power

This past week has been marked by a lot of fear and doubt. The initial high of hitting that publish button has worn off and I’m left with the reality of one blog post versus my dreams for it. I’m feeling pretty vulnerable. 

In the lead-up to the first major transformation of my adult life about four years ago, I listened to the teachings of Bashar, channeled by Darryl Anka, quite a bit. He offers that there is a great paradox in vulnerability and that is power. I feel that here.

As I open myself to the potential lashings of the world and my own mind, I also open myself to my greatest potential.   

How to Move Through the Initial Fear

I deliberately chose the word “move” to a more resistant word like “push” or “force” because I don’t see fear as bad or something to be rid of. I haven’t failed myself because I’m experiencing fear. In fact, I see fear as an indication that I’m exactly on track. Because it means I’ve made the first step outside my comfort zone. This, by definition, is where growth happens.

How many times were you inspired to do something you got really excited about then talked yourself out of? Guilty, right, we’ve all done it. 

Maybe you’ve been considering starting something for years, but haven’t been able to overcome the fear to start. Maybe you started but freaked out and stopped. Maybe you’re still waiting for your next inspiration. 

Whatever the case, here are some steps that I used that may help guide you through that initial fear. 

1. Commit for the Right Reasons

Peel your mind open a few layers to understand your why. Why are you motivated to change, to do something differently? How does your why feel? What emotion is fueling it; does it feel more like joy and excitement, or is it a not-so-great emotion, like fear or lack? If it doesn’t feel so great, I recommend finding a why that does. Then deliberately decide, “Yes, this is how I want to feel.”

My why is to be myself and to share that openly with you. I’m totally onboard with that why. That why feels great to me.

2. Take Care of Yourself First

I almost skipped this section because it’s easy to overlook, but I think it’s actually the most important. This became wildly clear to me as I sacrificed sleep for task-saturation this week. You can probably guess that it didn’t go so well. Not only was I exhausted and so didn’t feel great physically, but I under-performed in all of my tasks. Not great.

In one of Deepak Chopra’s latest articles, he talks about how both the body and mind have a natural tendency to rebalance themselves. In the body, this is called homeostasis. Though less understood, Chopra suggests that the mind behaves in the same way. 

Help your body out. Change is likely to throw your mind out of balance. It’s the same concept as physical change; when you workout, your body gets out of balance. It requires time and care to reestablish its equilibrium. Anticipate this for your mind when you introduce change. Everyone is different so take care to find what works for you. Here is what I’ve found works for me. 

My non-negotiables are enough sleep, meditation, exercise, and nutrition. For me, that means a 10 minute meditation in the morning followed by 30 minutes of exercise, a light healthy breakfast, and four other small healthy meals throughout the day. I have to put in a plug here for Karena and Katrina with Tone It Up; I wouldn’t be where I am today with my nutrition and exercise if it weren’t for those girls!

3. Embrace the Fear!

Feelings come as a result of our thoughts about the world around us. They’re nothing more than tools. In the same way that our bodily senses inform us of our physical surroundings, our feelings inform us on what’s going on inside our heads. So unless you’re a master of your thoughts, chances are you’re going to have as many happy as unhappy thoughts running around in there.

Instead of fighting undesirable feelings, which only causes more resistance and discomfort, try embracing them! The more you can accept (maybe even welcome?) fear, the easier it will be to move through. Say hello as it comes on in, allow it the space to teach what it’s there to teach you, then say goodbye when it’s time for it to go. 

I like to look at fear as a reminder that I’m on my way towards a bigger and better me.

This, too, shall pass.

3. Get Excited for Failure

Failure is success in progress.

Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein is one of my favorite minds to study because he was unapologetically himself; oh, and he was a genius. Every wildly successful person I have studied has talked about failure as a key part in their success. They seem to come hand-in-hand. 

The good thing is that you get to define failure any way you want. So define it in a way that works for you. Thomas Edison saw failure as one step closer to finding the solution. We all know how his story turned out. 

4. Set a Long-Term Goal and Keep it in Mind

It’s easy to get lost in your thoughts, get overwhelmed, and quit. I have done it on numerous occasions. To get ahead of that, take the why you decided on earlier and make it into a long-term goal. Write it down. Don’t lose it. On those days when you’d rather quit than feel the fear you can use the long-term goal to refocus.

My long-term goal is to integrate and build upon what I’ve learned from the world’s greatest teachers and share that with each of you in a simple, practical way so that I may help others along their own personal journeys of self-discovery and transformation.

5. Surround Yourself with Supportive Voices

It’s not just the people in your life to be aware of, it’s the messages you’re exposing yourself to. Start paying attention to the voices in your life. In your car on your drive to work, on your tv, in the music you listen to. Are their messages love or fear-based? Constructive or destructive? How do you feel afterwards? Uplifted or drained?

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

Jim Rohn

Fill your space with people that embody who you want to be. Fill your mind with messages that embody what you want in your life.

6. Just Do It!

The best way to overcome fear is to just do it! Have you ever noticed that anticipating the thing you’re scared of is almost always way scarier than actually doing it? 

Just doing it was the best decision I ever made. In just a week, I’ve already made new discoveries about myself and seen improvements in my overall mood, outlook, and eating habits. 

On the other side of my fear, I found self-love and a massive appreciation for myself for just doing it. 

In the end, it’s your life. No one really cares what you do with it but you. What are you waiting for? Go for it!