Here we are. That time of year again. If you’re like me and most Americans, you’ve spent the last few weeks celebrating another year’s worth of achievements with friends and family in full gluttonous glory.
As the merriment comes to a close and everyone goes back where they came from, life goes back to normal. We’re left alone, with ourselves, and the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings about ourselves that we had a temporary reprieve from. We again start to imagine all the ways we could be better than how we are right now.
Enter the New Year’s resolution! A way to feel better. To reflect and set our sights on the new year.
Top New Year’s Resolutions in America
For two years running now (and possibly longer), the top three resolutions for Americans in 2018 and 2019 are:
- Eat better
- Exercise more
- Spend less
For two years running… we didn’t do so well on those resolutions last year, did we?
Why not?
What makes resolutions so hard to follow through on? Or maybe we followed through, but soon reverted right back to our old ways.
New Year’s resolutions are so hard to follow through on because we haven’t dealt with the actual problem: our thoughts. We set goals and take action in the direction of those goals without being equipped with the tools to manage the barrage of thoughts and feelings that follow.
We have to address the problem and lay the foundation for success if we’re to have any hope of following through on our goals.
But don’t worry, you’re totally capable of doing that! I’m here to show you how.
What makes a good New Year’s resolution?
Part of setting yourself up for success is hitting on each of these five elements.
1. It accomplishes something you want.
In other words, it’s results-driven. You might be thinking, duh, why would I pick something I don’t want. This is more to get you focused in on what you’re actually after versus the action required to get there. What result are you looking for?
Let’s use the American front-runner as our example — eat better. Most Americans would like to eat better. Seems reasonable. But what specific result that the action “eat better” produces are you after? There are a lot of benefits of eating better.
Maybe you hate the doctor and you’re after fewer visits. Maybe you’re looking to save money in the long-term on medical bills. Maybe you want to lose weight, and you’re hoping this lifestyle change will help you get there. Maybe you just want to feel lighter and better in your own body.
Think backwards. Focus in on the result you want, then explore the ways you can achieve it. The resolution itself is to commit to the actions that will get you the result you’re after.
2. You’re excited about it.
First of all, if you’re not excited about your New Year’s resolution, pick a new one.
But second, excitement is important because our emotional state is what fuels our actions. Thoughts cause feelings, feelings fuel actions. Each feeling has its own vibrational energy signature. Some are positive with a high or low level of energy – like happiness or contentment. Others are negative with a high or low level of energy – like anger or sadness.
A good New Year’s resolution is fueled by a positive, high energy emotion – like excitement!
3. It’s achievable.
I like getting wild with dreams, because the mind is extremely powerful. But for a shorter-term goal like a New Year’s resolution, it’s important to go with something that your brain doesn’t totally freak out about.
Find the edge of where you start to freak out.
Say the result you’re after is weight loss. You want to eat better to lose weight. You’re 5’ 5”, weigh 180 pounds, and would like to get down to a healthy weight. What does that look like for you? If I said 120 pounds, how does your brain react? If it’s in full doubt or freak out mode, back off a little. How about 130 or 150?
Find that edge of comfort, then take a small step over it. Push yourself just enough.
4. It’s measurable.
How will you know how you’re doing? A good resolution can be easily measured so at any time you know exactly how you’re doing.
In our example, we picked “eat better” because we want to achieve the result, “lose weight.” Let’s make that measurable. Scales offer a way to do that. So do tape measures. We can decide that once a week, we will weigh ourselves on the scale and measure our stomachs. This will provide two metrics to base results off of.
5. It’s sustainable.
Remember, a resolution is something you can keep up for an entire year, ideally longer. We’re usually thinking lifestyle change when we pick our resolutions. So define your resolution in a way that’s sustainable for you.
If eating better to you means eating less red meat, instead of cutting it out of your diet entirely, maybe cut it out of one meal a day. Get real with yourself and pick something you’ll actually be able to stick with. Older you will thank you for it!
The New Year’s Resolution That Will Change Your Life
Are you ready for the New Year’s resolution of all New Year’s resolutions?
This year’s resolution will be to clean up the thoughts and beliefs that contradict your desire for the result you’re after in your life.
Then we take action towards the result itself. Interestingly, what you’ll find is that once you do the thought work, the action part becomes easy.
Let’s take a quick step back. Thoughts and beliefs are the operating language and structure of our minds. They outline how the brain is programmed to interact with the world. When our desires contradict these thoughts and beliefs, we experience resistance.
From here, we have two options. We can (1) willpower our way through the resistance with action, or we can (2) eliminate the resistance; change the thoughts and beliefs to align with our desires so that the action becomes easy.
This is consciousness at work. As humans, we have the ability to reprogram our thoughts and beliefs to reduce resistance and pave a smooth path to our dreams.
Most people go for option 1; unless they have superhuman self control, they often fail or revert back. This is because the contradicting thoughts and beliefs are still intact and creating resistance. We’re programmed to gravitate towards the path of least resistance – to behave in a way that does not contradict our thoughts and beliefs.
Electricity behaves in the same way – given two paths, one of high resistance, and one of little resistance, more electricity will flow through the path of lesser resistance.
If you spend this next year changing your thoughts to align with your desired result, not only will you be able to change your life in that area come next year – it will be so incredibly easy. Because you will have removed the resistant thoughts that stand in your way. Then it’s just a matter of following through with action.
How do we do it?
I’m putting all of the tools I’m about to go over with you to work in my own life with amazing results. This blog is a product of it. Brooke Castillo’s Self Coaching Scholars has provided me with many of the tools that have helped bring this to life in so many unimaginable ways.
Let’s start putting them to work in your life.
This year, we’re going to work through our thoughts and all their pesky emotional friends – our feelings. Before we effort through action and “fail” at another New Year’s resolution.
Here are the steps that will put everything in motion.
1. Pick something.
What result are you trying to achieve? What area of your life are you struggling with? Where would you like to see change? Identify that area. Then choose the result you want. Make sure it hits on all the five elements of a good New Year’s resolution.
2. Get a journal.
You can also use a computer or iPad. I personally like to handwrite in journals. I feel more of a connection with a pen and paper versus a keyboard and screen. Just a personal preference.
We will be writing in it every day. Yay!
3. Identify everything you need to do to get there.
Set aside time for a brainstorming session with yourself. Write the result you’re after at the top of the page. Below that, write down all the actions you think you’ll need to take to achieve that result. Get specific with it.
For weight loss, one action could be eating healthy. More specifically, this could mean eating lean protein and vegetables with every dinner, cutting out processed sugar and wheat, and minimizing starches.
Write down everything your brain comes up with.
4. Write down all the reasons why you’ll fail.
This is actually the fun part. I love digging into the darkest corners of my mind and digging up all my fears. Putting them on paper and exposing them to the light of day makes them so much less scary.
This is like therapy for me.
Dig them all up. Get in there. Don’t be scared. It’s just your own mind. Don’t leave a single one uncovered. Have the courage to acknowledge them all.
5. Turn them into strategies.
For each reason why you’ll fail, come up with a strategy for how you’ll overcome it.
Maybe you think you’ll fail because you won’t be able to totally cut out processed sugar. Plan for that failure! We’re onto you, brain! You know your brain will want sugar. This is a primal brain process (still a thought) that contradicts your desire to lose weight. Let’s anticipate this failure. Maybe you’ll find a substitute, like fruit, cinnamon, or stevia. Any time you find yourself craving processed sugar, you’ll eat a few berries or have tea with stevia.
Do this for each failure you identified in number 4.
6. Make a combined list of the actions and strategies you believe you will need in order to achieve the result you’re after.
Of everything you wrote down in numbers 3 and 5, make an inclusive list of everything you will need – all the actions and strategies – to get you the result you wrote down.
Feel free to add to this list as things come up.
7. Get to work!
Take each item from your list and process the thoughts and associated feelings that each one brings up, one at a time. There aren’t any rules here. Allow yourself as much time as you need to work through each one – days, weeks, or even a month.
I recommend spending at least 5 min each day, ideally double if you want great results. If you miss a day, no worries, just jump right back in.
Example: It’s January 1st. You’ve got your list and your first item is, “Eliminate processed sugar from my diet.” Focus on this statement. Pretend this statement is fact – you no longer have processed sugar in your diet. What does this mean to you? As thoughts and feelings come, write them down. Don’t filter or judge them. Write them down as they come to you.
Your unfiltered thoughts might look something like – there’s no way I can do this, I’m crazy to try, I love sugar, I have so many urges, I’ve failed in the past, etc.
Pick one thought or feeling at a time — There’s no way I can do this. It doesn’t have to be negative, but odds are it will be. Observe how it makes you feel when you think it. Discouraged.
Step 1 is to make peace with the emotion. Let it be okay that you’re feeling it. It’s just an emotion. Understand why it’s there. What’s it telling you about your thought patterns? Are these thought patterns serving you? Use your awareness, your consciousness, as a tool to understand your own mind.
Once you’ve made peace with that emotion and understand why it’s there, Step 2 is to explore other thoughts. Remember how we talked about fueling our resolution with the right energy? Is discouraged the energy that your dreams are made of? Probably not. How about excitement? Or if that’s a stretch too far, try encouraged.
Ask yourself, What thought produces the emotion, encouraged? How about, With the strategies I laid out, I can slowly eliminate my urges to eat processed sugar. Find a thought you can believe. Try it out. Slowly, with time, you will reprogram your brain. It takes time and patience. And it’s all good.
Happy New Year!
The best piece of advice I can offer is to have fun with your New Year’s resolution. There’s no need to get super serious on yourself. Lighten up and have fun with it! If you have setbacks, don’t be hard on yourself. Practice some self-compassion then get right back up wherever you fall.
I know you can do this because you have a human brain, a powerful mind, and the consciousness to direct them both.
If you need any help, I’m here. Reach out anytime. Now go get after it!
I’m going to try this tomorrow!!! I’ve still, never in my life kept a resolution but I’ve also never taken this approach… I’m a little behind the “New Years” part but that’s ok. Never too late to try something new. I appreciate the guidance, this makes so much sense to me. I’ll keep you posted.
Haha to be honest, I haven’t either. No better time to start than now! Let me know how it goes! As I mentioned in the post, I’ve tested these tools and they work for me, but always interested in hearing how they work for others. Thanks so much for sharing!