So you’re awake. You take a fresh look at the world around you. It sparkles in a new way. You have a deeper appreciation for the Earth and all its living creatures, and feel a budding desire to do something that contributes to its well being. It’s important to you that your actions align with this deeper knowing.
Then you take a look at your current life. If it goes down anything like my experience did, you’ll say something like, “Well, shit. This doesn’t look anything like what I want it to.” Ten years into a career and halfway around the world from home, this thought of mine was accompanied by a small panic.
I let myself panic for a minute, then I got to work.
I’m happy to report that I’ve spent the last year and a half changing almost every aspect of my life to better align with who I choose to be. Here’s the laundry list — I separated from the military, I moved home from overseas, I moved in with my fiance, I got married (in full big wedding glory), we moved again, I got and started a new job, I started this blog, we bought our house (and yes, moved again!). …oh, and my husband separated and found/started a new job as well.
I think it’s safe to say I have some personal experience with making massive change.
It’s important though to clarify that each change I made was a deliberate, well thought out choice. Each change was a choice that I made in full awareness; fully conscious of each decision and what that decision meant to my life and the greater purpose I choose to serve.
It was exhilarating. It was liberating. And it was terrifying.
Why is Massive Change so Hard?
Massive change is so hard because we have countless obstacles that stand in our way. Each is there to serve us and teach us something. Let’s look at each one.
Obstacles do not block the path, they are the path.
Zen Proverb
1. Our Past
Your life is the product of each thought prior to right now.
But don’t let that be the reason you hold yourself back. Build on your past. Each moment before right now is what got you here. Each thought, each choice, each action – every moment of it was designed precisely for this moment right now.
This one hits home for me, as I look to my future and see myself vectoring away from the engineering career I’ve spent 15 years building. It could be easy for me to say, well those degrees were a waste. You spend a lot of time, stress, and late nights for nothing. Or I could choose to see my degrees and experience as critical building blocks, critical life experiences that have led me to this moment right now.
I see my engineering experience as crucial to the work I’m doing here because it gives me the technical knowledge and credibility to tackle the toughest subjects.
Interestingly enough, something I learned in systems engineering applies to what we’re talking about. It’s the concept of “sunk cost”. Project management teaches that sunk cost – how much you’ve already spent on a project – is not to be used as a reason to continue with the project. If the project is no longer providing value, it’s time to end it. There’s nothing to be gained from continuing to waste resources on a project that doesn’t serve the organization’s larger goals.
Same goes for your life. Time and energy spent on something that no longer serves you, or is no longer aligned with what you want, is no reason to continue spending time and energy on it. Let it go.
We tend to define our future from our past because our past is safe and it’s known and our brains are comfortable with that. But massive change requires becoming aware of and overcoming this.
You are not defined by your past.
My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me.
Steve Maraboli
2. Our Primitive Brain
The primitive – or most basic – part of our brain is designed to protect us and perpetuate our species. Humans have adapted to avoid pain and seek pleasure. Up until recent modern times, this has served our species well.
What this means for massive change is that it’s new. And new is scary. Fear is unpleasant, thus the brain wants to avoid it at all cost. It will do everything it can to convince you not to try that new scary thing. Because it’s doing its job to keep you safe.
How to overcome this? Acknowledge (maybe even thank?) the fear. Then with your rational, conscious mind, make a different choice. With your brain, you can override your fears. Have the fear, but do it anyway.
I had to process and move through a lot of my fear in starting and continuing this blog. I’m so thankful that I did!
3. Our Current Thoughts & Beliefs
This is the heart of what makes massive change so hard. All those thoughts and beliefs. I sometimes think of them as the “shoulds” and “supposed to’s” of our lives. The story we tell ourselves about us.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably at least entertaining the idea of making some big changes in your life. Think for a second about what you really want. What’s that big change you would love to make in your life? Answer that question.
Now let your mind run wild for a second. Let all the shoulds and supposed to’s surface; all those thoughts and beliefs that contradict your desire. “This is crazy.” “You shouldn’t leave a stable engineering career.” “No one will want to read your blog.” “This will end your career.”
Let them all out! Write them down if you can. It’s funny how dramatic the mind can be. Let it say its piece. When you can identify the major thoughts and beliefs that stand in your way, you can begin to process and change them.
4. Fear of How Others Will React
This one’ll getcha. Let’s be honest. As much as we don’t want to, humans care about what other people think. We’re hardwired to. Before modern times, humans lived in tribes. Being accepted and belonging to a group was a matter of survival. Those who belonged survived to pass on their genes.
To this day, the need for approval of others is strong. From our parents, from our spouse, from peers and people we look up to.
Guess what? Massive change usually means stepping outside the grain of what’s considered “normal”. Which means get ready for those uncomfortable feelings that come when others aren’t 100% onboard with your decision.
Another reason we look to others for approval is because we don’t fully believe in ourselves yet. So we look to others for validation; hoping, if they approve of what we want to do, maybe it’s worth doing.
This happened to me as I was deciding whether to leave the military. I wasn’t sure myself, so I looked to others to help me. Of course, I got a wide array of opinions – some said no I should stay and was crazy to leave, others said yes get the hell out.
In the end I had to decide what was right for me. I decided, and I didn’t look back. People continued to have opinions, but they didn’t matter. I had made my decision. Once you make your decision, don’t look back.
You will never be able to find the answers outside of yourself. You have to give yourself the permission to get after your own dreams. No one else can do that for you.
Change happens from the inside out.
Yesterday, I went to Oprah’s opening 2020 Vision: Your Life in Focus tour in Ft. Lauderdale. There, she shared that her grandmother’s greatest wish for her when she grew up was to be a maid; but Oprah had other dreams for herself. Had she listened to her grandmother, she wouldn’t be changing the world and living her dreams.
The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.
Steve Jobs
5. The Future is Unknown
Except that it’s not. This is just a thought that a lot of us have.
Your future is the product of each thought right now.
Create in your present. Today is the tomorrow you created yesterday. You create every moment all the time. You’re doing it now. It may be a rerun, but you’re still creating.
Quantum Mechanics teaches us that each moment is new and creative. Quantum theory offers that all reality exists in possibilities; and that the entity that actualizes those possibilities is consciousness. Each moment of conscious thought is the actualization of quantum probabilities.
With every collapse of possibility to actuality, consciousness has a new beginning, has the possibility of a new beginning. At every moment, we have the possibility of choosing the new and therefore creativity.
Amit Goswami
This is so epically cool. This has massive implications. This means that each moment offers us a new opportunity to be creative – to choose something different.
Design from your future. Design your life from the limitless potential that is your future.
Let’s Do It
The past is done. It happened. Accept it. Own it. Embrace it. Let it serve as the foundation for your future.
The primitive brain is a tool that serves you as you navigate life in your body. You are not in service to it. It serves you. You can override it at any moment with conscious thought.
Use your present moment to create your future. If your thoughts and beliefs stand in the way of the massive change you want to make, change them! But don’t let them hold you back. Feel your fear, and do it anyway.
Let others serve as navigational beacons – pointing back to your own thoughts and beliefs about you. Others have no power over you. They have no power over what you choose to create with your own life.
To make the massive change that I am now living, my inner voice had to be louder than all the other voices.
I had to let it speak. I had to make massive changes inside my own head. I had to clear space in my mind so I could hear my inner voice. I had to clean up the thoughts and beliefs that weren’t serving me. I had to listen to myself above anyone else.
I’m not going to lie and tell you it didn’t come without its challenges. It did. But it was so incredibly worth it.
If I can do it, so can you.