How I Stay Happy

My first three posts touched on some heavier topics, so I wanted this one to be light and happy. What better topic than to talk about being happy! 

I have my fair share of emotions, but one that tends to come easily to me is happiness. This became more clear to me when I entered the working world. There, I noticed my level of happiness was generally much higher than my average coworker. 

Early in my military career I remember some of the older officers responding to my enthusiasm with, “You just wait, you just haven’t been around long enough. You’ll get jaded soon enough.” I remember just staring at them wondering what that had to do with anything. As if someone or something could suck the fun of life out of me. I was perplexed but intrigued.

In those early days, I would come in each morning eager to start the day. One of my coworkers even made up a sign that said, “Don’t feed the 2^nd Lieutenants coffee” and posted it outside my cubicle. Everyone who knows me knows that I don’t need coffee for energy. Many might even suggest that I shouldn’t have coffee due to some of the more… animated… side effects.

The pattern persisted throughout my life. People at work and in my life would comment on how happy I was all the time, but I never fully appreciated what they meant. To me, happy was a normal state of being. I think it understandably annoyed some people. They looked at me like, “Why is she so happy, doesn’t she know there are bad things happening in the world?”

Of course I do. Horrible things happen in the world every day. Some at the hands of mother nature, some at the hands of people who have lost their way. I recognize this and have incredible compassion for those who suffer. But suffering does not bring peace. Peace brings peace. If I am able to brighten one person’s day with a smile or kind word, I have done my small part in making the world a happier place.

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.

Buddha

Life went on, I got older, and I kept thinking back to my coworkers’ words. I was now their age but I still hadn’t lost my enthusiasm. 

There was a time not too long ago when I valued others’ guidance above my own. I seriously questioned whether there was something wrong with me for being happy. Maybe I wasn’t getting it; maybe I should sober up and get serious like everyone else.

Thankfully, I did not.

How I’ve Been Able to Stay Happy

Once I realized that most everyone else is about as clueless as me, and we’re all running around just trying to do our best, I accepted that happy is a great state of being. After all, at the core of any desire is the belief that it will make us feel better.

So why not skip all the wanting, and just choose happiness. Easier said than done, I know.

So how do I stay happy?

I was careful to only capture the behaviors that I gravitate towards organically. Nothing I have outlined below was studied or taken from any experts. It’s what I believe has evolved naturally as a part of my personality that has led others to characterize me as a “happy person.”

1. I love to laugh.

This used to get me in trouble at school and later in my military training. As a child, I would get laugh attacks. Something would strike me as uncontrollably funny and I would allow it to take me into euphoric hysteria.

Many teachers found this disruptive to class… and many secretly appreciated it.

An article by the Mayo Clinic talks about the physical and mental benefits of laughter. You literally get an immediate high from a good laugh – to include a shot of oxygen, a boost of endorphins, increased blood circulation, and muscle relaxation. Sounds amazing, right? The long-term effects are proven as well. 

Stress levels have an impact on the immune system. Positive thoughts release something called neuropeptides, which are these amazing things that help you cope with stress and stay healthy in the long-run. Then there are the more obvious side effects like improving your mood or bonding with friends over a shared laugh.    

I have found genuine laughter to be one of the very best stress relievers. It’s one of my favorite ways to diffuse a tense work situation. I’ve found that making a light comment of an otherwise uncomfortable situation often snaps the offenders out of their negative emotion and creates a shared, positive bond among the people in the room.

2. I hold a belief that everything happens for a reason and life is always working out for me.

Beliefs are tricky because most people think they have no control over them. But we do! The key to freeing yourself from beliefs that aren’t serving you is to realize that they’re just thoughts you’ve thought so many times they feel like reality.

I’ve held the belief that everything happens for a reason and it’s always working out for me as long as I can remember. It has served me well, and continues to serve me. As long as it continues to serve me, I will continue to believe it. 

There’s a Chinese Proverb that conveys this concept. In it, a series of events happen to a farmer, alternating in what would be typically viewed as “good” and “bad” according to society. But instead of reacting to the events and labeling them like his fellow villagers do, the farmer responds to their assessment of each successive event with, “Maybe.” 

In the story, one of the farmer’s horses runs away (how terrible! …maybe) only to come back a few days later with a few additional wild horses (how great! …maybe). While the farmer’s son was trying to tame one, the horse bucked him and he broke his leg (how terrible! …maybe). Some weeks later, the army came by to draft able-bodied men but the farmer’s son was spared due to his injury (how great! …maybe). 

With each successive event, it becomes clear that the situation itself is neutral. It is our interpretation of the situation that gives it meaning.

In recognizing that every situation is inherently neutral, I can then make it mean anything I want. I have decided that life is always working out for me. And so it does.

3. I never play the victim.

Ok so maybe not never, but rarely. Victim energy has always felt so powerless to me, and that feels terrible. So I choose to believe that nothing happens “to” me; I create my own reality.

This can be quite controversial, especially when considering a crime where there is a clear perpetrator and a clear victim, as our culture has defined these terms. The key then is to zoom out and see them for what they are – labels and roles. In a specific situation, someone may have the label, “victim,” and with that label comes certain experiences, thoughts, and associated emotions. But that’s just a role; it’s not who they are.

Take back your power. Choose your own roles and labels (or lack thereof!). Decide for yourself who you are. Are you a victim, or are you a powerful creator in charge of your own life?

4. My thoughts tend to be happy.

Thoughts are all the talk these days. If you’re reading this, you’ve likely read countless other articles or blogs that talk about how your thoughts create your reality.

I will dedicate future blogs to this topic so I won’t go too in depth here. If you want more now, check out Brooke Castillo with The Life Coach School or check out her podcast. She is amazing and is much better able to articulate this concept than I am. 

In retrospect, I’ve always leaned towards happy thoughts. It sounds silly and a little juvenile, but in all honesty it was usually because those thoughts felt better than the other thoughts. I’d like to think it was because I understood the “thoughts create your reality” concept, but it wasn’t. I just preferred the way happy thoughts felt and so I went with those.

5. I try to only share the happy thoughts.

I was partially spared growing up by my strong aversion to gossip and drama. Even in high school, I despised those things. It cost me popularity but I could never buy into it. It never felt right. 

I wasn’t totally spared, though. In middle school I had a group of friends who I thought were cool. Our friendship was toxic and based around putting each other down. My parents noticed a difference in my mood every time I came home from hanging out with them and selflessly limited the amount of time I spent with these “friends”. As I detached, even at 12 I realized how toxic the group was and we eventually drifted apart. 

That was an important experience for me because it made me realize how much we affect one another, even if not consciously. I’ve made a commitment to, as best I can, only spread happiness in the world. 

6. I’ve never cared too much about what other people think.

This is one of the biggest blessings of my personality that came disguised as a curse. I grew up thinking it was a character flaw. I naturally gravitate towards trusting my own wisdom first; I had to be convinced by society that others know best. Now I know better.

I respect authority and have come to peace with the many dysfunctions of our society, but my mind remains a frontier. Expansive, unconquered, wild, free. 

I am always open to new ideas and expanding my perspective, but I reserve the final say about what goes on in my mind. If it doesn’t pass the “feel right” check, it’s likely to get the boot.

7. I don’t take myself too seriously.

Finally, I’ve always found it difficult to take myself seriously. Taking myself seriously was a behavior I had to learn. I eventually became quite good at it, as my job required it, but it never came easily. I much prefer goofy and fun. 

Like Eckhart Tolle talks about in his book A New Earth, life is just a series of little things. We make them big and important in our minds. 

Lighten up. Have some fun. 

What Do These All Have In Common?

Not one thing I mention above has anything to do with anything outside of me.

Every single one of these is something that I have direct control over. They all have to do with my thoughts inside my head and what I choose to do with them.

How powerful is that.

You, too, have the power to be happy.